TAKE THREE CHORDS, HIT TO RIGHT

OK, we don't normally do this, but here's a heads-up from our good friend John Spencer, manager/medical marvel from the Bishop's Collar softball team. It just might be the thing for these early-December blues, particularly since the recently broken leg suffered by P&P wine guru Brad Wilson has cancelled this week's walk through the Rhone Valley at the club.

Spence plays guitar, washboard and first base in one of them rock n' roll groups, currently called Nervous Rex. In a previous incarnation, I believe the name was Midwife Crisis or Male Pattern Stupidity or something like that. He told me once, but I wasn't listening then, either.

Anyway, Spence (pictured at left during his touring days with Pink Floyd) and the band are playing this Friday, Dec. 12 at Yeats Pub in Ardmore. The "music" starts at about 10 p.m., and if you're in the mood for Stones covers and a pretty good time out on the Main Line, this just might be your spot.

In other softball news, general manager Chris Brennan announced that the roster will not be subject to industry-related layoffs for the coming season, although he will entertain some voluntary reductions of force and is considering buyout packages that could include a six-pack of Chesterfield Ale and season tickets to all P&P games.

CHAMPAGNE AND BEAUJOLAIS

Pen & Pencil softball stars were in the thick of covering the Phillies' championship parade last Friday, particularly those who hadn't been traveling and writing on deadline for the last month.

Take a look at general manager Chris Brennan, for instance, riding atop the media double-decker bus along with a whole bunch of other people who couldn't tell you how many outs in an inning.

But that's actually a touch churlish. Maybe he was live "blogging" or "Twittering" or something else vital to slowing the demise of Philadelphia Newspapers LLC.

(Remind me to tell you the story of being on deadline in St. Petersburg, having immense trouble sending because the wireless went out in that stinking pit of a stadium, and yelling profanely at my sports editor to leave me alone when he called my name. I turned around after finally getting connected and he was standing there with the publisher. Like oops.)

I did see our teammate Chris Yasiejko throughout the playoff run, doing cityside stories for the Wilmington News-Journal, which he told me consisted of looking for Delaware plates in the parking lot and talking to the people who got out of those cars.

Who else? Well, Marcus, of course. I think I drank with him in Pasadena, which didn't put him in exclusive company. And Steve Falk was on the photo trail. And Kathy Matheson, doing stuff for AP from the freezing, rain-soaked auxiliary press box.

Somehow, Kerry O'Connor was allowed to get close to the trophy, apparently. What they didn't know was he broke off the little flag that says, "Boston Red Sox," and put it in his pocketsie. Thieving hobbit.

OK, down to business. There is a wine-tasting at the P&P this Thursday, Nov. 6, at 7:30 p.m. with the fabulous Brad Wilson. The wines of Beaujolais is the featured flavor. Matched hors d'oeuvres with the wines. $30 bucks a seat. Cheap. Call the club, 215-731-9909, to reserve. I'll be there, signing my new book, "Newspapers: Medium of the Future."

NOW LEADING OFF

For those of you who haven't been paying attention to dead-tree journalism recently, our own Kate Fagan (right) is the new Inquirer beat writer for the Philadelphia 76ers. She's up at training camp with the team in lovely State College, Pa. and is filing video reports.

You can follow along on Philly.com all season. Here's the good news, speaking as a former NBA beat writer. I have studied the Sixers' acquisitions and despite unwarranted optimism, I believe Kate will be available for softball by late April. That's good for all of us.

ALMOST FORGOT

The Center City Softball League's semi-annual tour of sponsorship establishments is tonight, Fri., Sept. 26.
The festivities start at the Cherry Street Pub at about 5 p.m., then move to Bishop's Collar at about 7 p.m. and will finish up at the good, old Pen & Pencil as the evening dwindles and the dwindle evens.
Commissioner Ron Goldwyn promises to get his titanium knees out for all or most of the proceedings. See you there, except me, of course.

PITCH LIKE YOUR HAIR'S ON FIRE

There's not a whole lot I can say about this, although one must wonder what the young lady actually thinks her shirt says. She is, however, the only one in the picture for whom the shirt's message would be accurate. Marcus and DN teammate Sam Donnellon obviously worked hard in Beijing during the Olympics. I pass this along because, well, Marcus is always good for conversation.

HERE'S LOOKING AT YOU, KID

While we're celebrating Journalism Week here, we can't forget to link to our own Kerry O'Connor, who is discovering that great writing is one thing but a warm nose is the quickest path to success.

Kerry penned an ode to faithful companion Bogey in the current edition of the Weekly Press (bottom of Page 2). Hey, if it could work for John Grogan, maybe "Bogey & Me," is the ticket for Kerry.

We love Bogey, who apparently loves Kerry enough to tolerate being photographed wearing a ridiculous hat. The occasion for the article was Bogey's 11th birthday (nice round number). That makes Bogey 77 in Pen & Pencil softball years. Still under the age cutoff, and we look forward to having him back next season. And the guy in the Red Sox hat, too. (Hey, maybe Bogey makes him wear it in retaliation.)

WHERE DID ALL THE STUDENTS GO?

George Miller, our favorite left fielder, has his sleeves rolled up and his hands on his hips and he is looking for those darn pupils. This looks like a guy ready to hand out a few demerits.

Where did those darn kids go?

Well, I don't know, but George has some tough words for those who think journalism is dead. He also has some tough words for those who think the stegosaurus is dead, but that's beside the point.

Please read this article, which also quotes our own Daniel Rubin. Didn't freaking call me, of course, but you know how it is.

http://www.philadelphiaweekly.com/articles/17593/cover-story

RED LIKE YOUR EYES

The Pen & Pencil was represented at the fabulous Center City Softball League All-Star Game by the above collection. Nevins apparently never left the chair but still had two home runs. Cheering on Nevins, B.J. Clark, Tom Hickey, Brian Donlen and Julie Dugan were Eddie Cascarella and pre-op Ron Goldwyn, who sported the team togs and his starter set of knees.
Nevins filed this report (which was edited somewhat because some other teams in the league have infiltrated our top-secret blog and we want to appear vaguely sportsmanlike):
"The sides were Franklin Douchestitute, P&P, and NCC against everyone else. So the other team had players from five different squads. That’s because FI brought 11 players. I’m not joking. At one point, they were half of our team.
"Anyway, our side pretty much killed them. Not sure what the final score was since we didn’t really keep an official book. It was kind of mass hysteria. Ed from FI did a decent job of getting everyone in and making sure everyone played. I managed to convince him to let me pitch which was doubly gratifying because I’m awesome at it and it took (edited sequence) Candy out of the game.
"The P&Pers did us proud. Donlen hit well as did Hickey and Julie. B.J. was also there. I was 2 for 2 with two home runs and I also struck out the side in one inning. Half of that last sentence is actually true."
A fine report and a good showing by our lads and lady. Those who accused me of only inviting B.J. so that Julie would have a ride are obviously jealous backstabbers.
We are still going to try to have the combo intrasquad game/cookout sometime soon. We have to get Ron out of Magee first and back on his titanium legs. Stay tuned.

STARRY BEERY NIGHT

Tuesday, Aug. 5 is the annual league party and all-star game. The game and the partying will begin at 6 p.m. at Edgeley 8. Bring some beer, hang out, scarf up league-provided snacks and cheer on our red reps. Taking the field for the alliterative legions will be Julie Dugan, B.J. Clark, Brian Donlen, Tom Hickey and Mark Nevins. How did we ever lose?

WELL, THAT HAPPENED

Yes, it did. Good thing I got up on the bench and gave that pregame talk. Wow, who knows what might have happened otherwise? Could have been bad.

Where to start? Perhaps with the 11-run Franklin Institute first inning. That would make sense. On that pace, assuming no bottom of the seventh inning (fairly safe), that put them on a pace to score 66 runs in this game.

Well, we held them to less than half that, so we've got that going for us.

Franklin had 36 hits in six at-bats, which is impressive. They batted around five times. We batted around three times. We had just 12 reach base safely. It was a combination of things. They caught the ball very well, which helped. On the other side, they just pounded us. Thirteen extra-base hits.

And, so, we lost, in a repeat of last year's first-round playoff defeat to Franklin. The final was 30-5 and it felt like every bit of it.

But we went out as a team. We went out with two hits each from Brian Donlen (robbed of a third), George Miller, Jon Clark and Mark Nevins. We went out with some good defense when the ball was in the same area code, and with class, which made one of us.

Hey, it's softball. We'll be back.

A CORKER OF A FINISH

There were a whole lot of things that had to happen wrong for us on Tuesday night to miss out on the playoffs. Most of those options involved backing into the final postseason slot because South Philly Tap would tame the Zoo, eliminating the only reasonable team with a chance to catch us. The rest of them involved the Art Museum, which was mathematically alive but needed to not only beat us, but beat us by at least seven runs.

The best option was to simply win the game in front of us and clinch it ourselves. Incredibly enough, we took that option with a crisp, efficient 7-1 win over the Arties. This was accomplished 15 minutes before they shook hands over there on Dairy 4, so we not only made the playoffs, we avoided the dreaded back-in.

For the second straight season, we will face the Franklin Institute in the opening one-and-done round of the playoffs. This would be a nice game to win, so very nice.

But before we get to that, let's get back to Tuesday and the complete game win twirled by Chris Yasiejko. Just twelve scattered hits in seven innings for Art, and zero for extra bases. Toss in an acrobatic rules-be-damned putout at the plate on a strike from left field by George Miller and you do have a complete game. Behind Chris was great defense, no stupid throws, no dropped balls, smart decisions. Brian Donlen and Julie Dubin particularly strong up the middle of the infield.

Offensively, we should have scored more, but got impatient at times. The game was a slim 3-1 lead for us after five innings. We scored our first four batters in the sixth inning to give Chris some breathing room and he faced just eight batters in the final two innings.

Tom Hickey had two hits and started the sixth-inning rally with a triple. George Miller was 3-for-3, all line drives, and he knocked in a pair of runs. Brian Donlen had two hits, and Mark Nevins had two RBIs on a triple that almost ended with Nevins being thrown out at home.

We only had 14 hits, and that won't be enough next week. But let's deal with that next week. For now, let's enjoy this week. If you like the pictures you see here, visit the user-friendly site where you can find this team's photographic blog history for the past two seasons.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE?

The correct answer is, of course, "Mark Nevins appears to be pitching in this picture." Very good, class. You all got it. Take a good look. You won't be seeing this again. Astute observers will also see Brian Donlen standing behind Nevins at shortstop. This is a place between the bases on the left side of the infield that Nevins likes to refer to as "second base." More on that later.

A good win Monday night over a somewhat dispirited, but game National Constitution Center team, which was reminded that actually playing is a lot more fun than forfeiting. We win 12-2, easing past without being dopes about it. (Actually, the general manager thinks there was too much sportsmanship involved, but he says that at steel-cage wrestling matches, too.

We got terrific play at third base from Ed Cascarella, three solid at-bats from commissioner Ron

Goldwyn and pretty tight defense all around. Chris Yasiejko was the starter and winning pitcher, holding NCC scoreless on just six hits over the first four innings.

Nevins gave up two runs in the fifth, which he claims are unearned, thus preserving his perfect mark. Well, the book disagrees. There was a spritely 1-3 to start the innning, with Nevins correctly identifying first base and its guardian, Chris Brennan. Then there was a single, followed by another comebacker to the mound. The NCC runner was pretty fast and it would have been a close play at second, with Tom DiNardo coming over to accept the throw. However, we will never know how close, because Nevins chose to throw the ball to the shortstop, and not just to the shortstop, but behind him and into left field, allowing the runners to both move up to scoring position. The book insists that there was no routine play involved (no kidding?) and that the batter is given a hit, with the runners advancing on the E1. After a pop to Eddie for the second out, there followed a single and a double, making both runs EARNED. Decisions of the judges are final.

As indicated in the flimsy post below, we had 21 hits in 40 at-bats, pretty good raking, but will need to do better Tuesday against the Art Museum as we try to clinch the playoffs. Bad news is we're cutting it awfully close this season. Good news is Nevins won't be pitching.

A HARDY CONSTITUTION

There's something wrong with Mr. Blogspot tonight. He won't let us upload any pictures. That will be remedied as soon as he feels better, maybe tomorrow morning. Without proper inspiration, I can't do justice to Monday's 12-2 win over NCC.
It's like a bad tequila dream, in some ways. Did Nevins really pitch? Hoo boy.
We took care of business in this one, getting ready for the Arties on Tuesday night. If we win, we clinch.
Kerry O'Connor was 4-for-4 against the Constitutionalists, three hits for Chris Brennan, Brian Donlen and Jon Snyder.
Star of the game honors to Ed Cascarella for stellar play at third base and an RBI in our four-run first inning. We got up early 7-0, coasted a while, scored five in the sixth to close things out. I could say a few things about Brennan running through a "go" sign and Nevins throwing the ball into left field, but that would be churlish. Good fielding, for the most part, and sensational beer drinking. Not necessarily in that order.

THE MOOKIE SITUATION

All right, this isn't easy to talk about, but I keep all sorts of stats. My wife is in Europe for five weeks, so I've got some time on my hands. Some of it I spend in the hallway of the Marriott Marquis, some of it I spend poring over our statistics, looking for answers.

George, I'm sorry. Mookie is 1-6 this season. This week, no Mookie, two wins. Coincidence, or something more? You decide.

Now, I like Mookie, you like Mookie, we all like Mookie. But the Mookster's record sucks. I don't want to say he's not welcome. Who doesn't enjoy seeing him get after that darn frisbee? But 1-6 is 1-6. Next week, when we can clinch or be clinched, please make the proper decision on his attendance. Licking one's nose is a fine talent -- always popular when meeting people in bars -- but this is the team we're talking about here.

Now, we win, we win, we win again, beating the Fighting Griffins of the Art Museum, 17-10, to even our record at 6-6. We trailed heading into the bottom of the fifth, 8-7, but rallied to score eight runs and never looked back. Well, maybe a little.

Mike Galan had another three hits, as did Tom Hickey and Mookie's dad. Kate Fagan smacked her way aboard in all three at-bats and scored three runs. Two hits, two runs for Chris Yasiejko and two trips around the bases for Ellen Kenney, who pulled off the rare make-them-think-you're-falling-at-third-then-get-up-when-they-look-somewhere-else-and-score ploy. Eddie Cascarella got one at-bat and cracked the ball solidly into left for a hit. Jon Snyder, two hits, two scores in two at-bats. John Hall, another hit in his farewell performance for the season. He's off to Hong Kong for the next month and, even by our rain-delay schedule, the league will be finished by then. Great season, John. Two hits for Tom DiNardo. I'm leaving out some details, probably, but here's the short version: we doinked around for a couple of innings, got behind, got annoyed with that, took control, finished well.

The big news, naturally, was the return of Brian Donlen (above), from Panama or whereever he went on his honeymoon. In fact, this blog was going to be titled, "The Newlywed Game," after he had two big hits in his first two at-bats. (And you wonder what I'm thinking about standing there staring at the clipboard.) Great return, though, even if his body clock hasn't fully adjusted to this lack of daytime beer. Mix in a 6-3 now and then.

So we even our record at 6-6, with games Monday (NCC) and Tuesday (Art) left on the schedule. The playoffs are in our future and Mookie might be in our past.

PLAYING CHESS WITH DEATH

And the dude has some nasty breath.
That's where we are, folks. Every game is a playoff game. We came into this week trailing (I mean, trailing) the Zoo for the fourth and final spot in the playoffs.
How did we respond?
We knocked off the first place team in the league, Bishop's Collar, by a 14-9 score.
What does that tell us, class? We can play with anyone and the season is just beginning.
Of course, that might be just one thing it tells us. But we simply can't know that yet. Hmmm. (I meant the whole chess thing to be a play off of Bishop's Collar, get it, Bishop's? But I couldn't figure out how to make it work. Sorry.)
Anyway, we win, 14-9, the first win for our Daily News/Pen & Pencil Club franchise since 2005 over the Philadelphia Business Journal/Bishop's Collar franchise.
The book was kept by Danny, so I'm a little light on stats. I do know that we trailed, 7-6, after two and, 9-7, after four. They don't score again and we add four in the fifth and three in the sixth to take control.
We beat the most fundamental team in the league by playing their game. We hit line drives for singles, mostly, and we played smart, efficient defense. That is how BC got into first, and it is the way to win in this league. There was not a single ball that gapped us or was hit over our heads. They played small-ball and we played it better.
Now, it must be admitted that the Collar seemed to be reaching some
sort of genetic wall during the game. Spence went out with a pulled something and then Money made his elbow the size of street lamp and, well, like we don't have complaints? Freaking Donlen schedules this frivolous thing during the season? Is that possible? And Clark doesn't schedule anything during the season?
Anyway, the book. What do I know? I know Mike Galan was 4-for-4, scored three runs, knocked in a bunch, and hit a double and a half in one at-bat. I know that Jon Snyder had a pair of hits and scored twice. I know that George Miller smoked a three-run home run to right in the sixth that probably won the game. T-o-r-i-g-h-t. You heard me. And, uh, they weren't expecting it.
I know that Nevins got aboard each time, but I can't tell if it was his fault. Dan Rubin and John Hall came off the bench for two hits each, and more toward the end of this sentence.
Beginning the new sentence, a shoutout to Julie Dugan for doing the 1st base thing, one thing you know is that lacrosse players can catch. Also, to Hickey/Yasiejko for splitting SS which was something like a quicksand. And, MVP, to Ellen Kenney for her foul pop catch in the sixth. Huge play.
What else? The book has few answers. The focus now is on "ART." Yes, Art. We have to beat them on Tuesday. If we don't, it will be very disappointing.
Go To Manager's Corner.

NEW ZOO REVUE

Loved that show. Great if you're stoned, although the hippo could be a little scary.

Apparently, we played as if altered against the Zoosters, losing 15-10. Sorry I missed it. Life intruded on softball once again.

GM Chris Brennan filed this one:

"Sports, and writing about sports, are often fraught with clichés. Some of them are even true. Today's cliché: We win or lose as a team. The P&P lost 15-10 as a team last night to an undermanned but determined bunch from the zoo. Every player, those who showed up and those who didn't, played a role. With only one woman on the field, we were forced to take an automatic out each time the top of the batting order came up. We were also limited to nine players in the field. This is no excuse, of course, since the Zoo had numbers problems of its own and only had nine players. They made the most of it, with three guys swatting long balls with runners on base. Our infield was porous and our outfield overworked. Our bats were uneven, starting the game OK but then going silent at clutch moments. The automatic out can't even be put to blame since it was only responsible for the ending of one inning. Now we're neck-and-neck for the fourth playoff spot with these Zoo people. Next week is a new week."

I'll let all of that lay where it is. Veterans will recall that we split with the Zoo last season as well and still made the playoffs. So, let's not panic until the order to panic is given. (See Manager's Corner.)

STORY TIME

I was in a meeting the other day and the guy in charge said, "We need more stories. We've got lots of articles, but we need more stories." This struck me as brilliant -- except on the off chance that I might have to produce some of them.

It got me to thinking, though. This blog, a wonderful repository of life as we know it, to be puzzled over by later lifeforms who study our ways and can't fathom the concept of no-umpire softball, has a lot of articles. But it doesn't have a lot of stories.

Just to prove I'm down with the concept, this week we get a story. (Oh, I know. Some of you tuned in because you wanted a recap of our game Tuesday against the Tap. No. Actually, you don't.)

Where was I? Ah, yes. The story.

The fellow whose picture graces the post is Dan Rubin, great writer, great softball player, great friend. For the purpose of the post, I will overlook the Northwestern cap. (Matheson sporting Big Ten rival Michigan.) At least it's not the goddam Red Sox hat again.

The last time the Pen & Pencil had a softball team, before it was reborn in 2007 from the ashes of the proud Daily News team, Dan Rubin and I were rookies on the squad. You want to know how long ago this was? Rubin looked like Axl Rose. Hair down to his ass. I kid you not.

Mike Sokolove was the pitcher. Sal Paolantonio was the left fielder. Bob Rosenthal was on the team, and Fred Mann and Bill Eddins and Mike Missanelli. Hell of a team, actually. We played in a league with roofers and plumbers and such on their fields way up on Ridge Pike. And, let me tell you, when you got into an argument with the roofers, it wasn't like having a piss-off with the Art Museum boys.

Anyway, that's a few seasons in the past and it's good to be out there every week (crises permitting) with all of you still wearing the spatula proudly. That's the end of the story.

Now... we sucked against the Tap. Lost 14-7. This one got away from us. We needed to play better defense and gave them too many extra outs. On the other side of the book, we stranded a zillion runners.

Bright spots? Ellen Kenney was not, in fact, paralyzed when third baseman Jeremy nailed her in the lower back on a play at first. He also played spoilsport by snagging an absolute smash line drive off the bat of Ellen on her next at-bat.

We did find a shortstop. Thank god Donlen is out of the country and can't read this. Tom Hickey said, "This space is mine," and it will be hard to get him out of there.

Let's see. George Miller hit a foul ball for a home run. Kate Fagan bunted for a hit. Well, it would have been a hit, except there's no bunting in the Center City Softball League. But it did wake them up for a time.

It didn't wake them up as much, of course, as when Commissioner/Savant/Keeper of Book Ron Goldwyn stopped the game to accuse the Tap of batting out of order. Like loudly. Like going over to their bench. Like a couple of minutes later saying, "My bad."

I don't have the book, but I think that's the inning they scored seven runs. If it isn't, it should be. Would make for a better story.

THE FEW, THE PROUD, THE PEN & PENCIL

While some of us were too busy watching those adorable Boston Red Sox in Citizens Bank Park, and some of us were stewing in the press workroom at Boston Banknorth Fakeorama Garden, the rest of us were getting the job done against the mighty Dung Beetles of the Academy of Natural Sciences.
This was a needed win. It broke a four-game schneid and pushed us firmly toward the second half of the season with some upward momentum.
Interim skippah (as Kerry says) Chris Brennan had just 11 brave recruits for the game, but apparently used them well. He filed this report:
"A scrappy bunch of P&P show-ups -- let's call them the distilled spirit of the team -- took on an ANS team flush with players but not so much with runs. With a solid 11 players, the P&P beat ANS 10-1. The bad news: pitcher Mike Galan had a sweet shut-out into the bottom of the 7th but his trusty infield, which had been snagging sharply hit balls all night, faltered for just a moment. Galan produced offensively too, going 3-4. After getting off to a slow start, the club started producing hits. George Miller piled up a little insurance in the seventh with a three-run homer. Defensively, Kate Fagan wowed both teams with a scoop at second that left her no time to pull the ball out of her glove and toss it to first base. So Fagan employed the jai-alai method, tossing the ball WITH her glove for the out. A fine defensive game as well from Tom "My, those are some tall black socks" Hickey and Brian "Cleats At The Altar" Donlen."
These guys think sports writing is easy until they try to do it. Well done, all. We convene with our usual quorum next week, hopefully.

TEAM TURMOIL

Go to Europe for one lousy week and everything falls apart. What's a deadbeat manager to do? I wish I had better news right now, but can't think of any. I'll be missing Tuesday's game vs. ANS because of the Boston Celtics and much of the rest of our roster will be missing it because of the Boston Red Sox. None of this makes sense.

Anyway, he's GM Chris Brennan's report on our loss to the South Philly Tap Room:

"This is probably a story best kept short. We fell behind to the SPTR, which played a smart game of hitting sharp grounders through our infield to load up the bases for a few of their players who had the talent to smack balls to places in the outfield we were not currently located. Final score: 19-8.
Provisional management accepts full responsibility -- I'm looking at you, Ron -- for putting together a batting order that didn't exactly balance out our talent from top to bottom. After Ron's departure, I didn't make matters much better.
The club hung in there on a wickedly humid day, pulling within one run mid-game before the Tap Room broke it open again. Highlights were Nevins 3-4 and Yasiejko 3-3."

Wow, that was terse. GM CB gets a chance for redemption against ANS and I expect a better report.

VICTORY IS SOMEONE'S

Yes, the mighty Franklin Institute tasted defeat for the first time this season.

Sub manager Ron Goldwyn filed this report while the skipper is doing whatever he is doing abroad:

Franklin Institute gets beat! They're no longer undefeated, no longer invincible -- humbled if not humble! Still drinking PBR in those mediocre uniforms. And we played them in the same week it happened!

Full disclosure requires the admission that it was the South Philly Taproom on Tuesday, not the P&P on Monday, that administered said defeat (8-6 in you're keeping score).
Monday at Edgely 4, under gorgeous spring-summer skies, TFI won 19-6.
The game was not as close as the score indicates (we plated three in bottom-7 but left the tying run standing behind the bench, laughing and drinking beer with some horny dog).
Two of the first four batters in Inning One hit long home runs. We held them to two more homers the rest of the way. But it was 9-0,the traditional forfeit score, before we'd batted in the second.
Stars on a nonstarry night -- Brian Donlen, three hits (a double), Tom Hickey three hits (a triple), George Miller two hits (2 rbi), Dan Rubin two hits.
Julie Dugan made two spectacular grabs of long flies deep to right, setting an example that none of her male counterparts in all the rest of the outfield could match. Kate Fagan made her P&P debut an impressive one with several keystone sack gems and a single.
Point of personal privilege. Author and manager-in-waiting Ron Goldwyn singled sharply to third in his first AB of the season and retires, again, hitting 1.000.
The semi-mighty P&P does it all over again Tuesday June 10 on Edgely 8, our favorite old field by the refreshment stand, against the giant-killer SPTR's. We're the home team. It's dollar-and-a-half dog night, if the hot doggie lady happens to repair of if we roast a mascot.

THIS TEAM UNDER CONSTRUCTION

While we await Ron's official report on Monday's loss to Franklin Institute -- I gave him the book to keep since it was radioactive -- just a few words about who we are and what we do.
We like to have fun and play softball. I think that despite the score on Monday, whatever it was, we still enjoyed the process. We dropped some balls and missed some pitches we should have hit and, although I can't confirm this yet, my sense is the sun will rise over the fertile highways of New Jersey tomorrow morning and set over the steaming cooling towers of Three Mile Island tomorrow. Maybe this is perspective. Maybe it is experience. Maybe it is the fact that I'm getting on a plane for Paris on Wednesday and leaving you losers behind me.
Nevertheless, we are 3-3 this season and the losses have been to the two best teams in the league. I firmly believe we are the third-best at this moment, that we will make the playoffs and could make some trouble once there. We have a very nice team and do like to drink the occasional beer. This is not something to be overlooked, lo though these days look dark.
The management will miss, regrettably, next week's game against South Philly Tap, a very winable game, and will see you in two weeks against the unpleasant Dung Beetles of the Academy of Natural Sciences. Please, as always, get your running in, and remember why we do this. And when you remember, please remind me.

SUBSTITUTE TEACHER

The Morning Report on Game 5, filed by Manager Emeritus, Ron "Crazy Pants" Goldwyn:

We got raked over in this one, 11-4, and it was our own rake. The sun shone bright o'er our sloppy Belmont home, but the Belmont stakes were strictly for the mudders. Brian Donlen and Tom Hickey were the MPPs, the mud-puddle plowmen who devoted their pregame warmup time to sweeping and raking sludge from home plate, near second, and the third base swamp. Others assisted, and the rake was supplied by sub-sub-skip Ronaldo. Donlen showed his no-warmup chops with three hits and an rbi in our not-quite-comeback 5th inning rally. George Miller hit a three-run-something to RIGHT field in the first inning - there was a slogjam down at third base before a wild throw allowed laggards, coach-heeders and head-down barrellers to score. ChrisYasiejko pitched a solid CG, Mike Galan played a terrific third base, tying a world's record with three assists on three tough ground balls in the scoreless fourth.Two hits each for Rakeup Hickey, Dapper Dan Rubin and the estimable BJ Clark, plus three solid smacks by newcomer Julie Dugan -- all of which showcased the sadly excellent fielding skills of the Bishopric Eleven and a half. (Foe-skip Denise Schmalbach developed a 21st century childcare system by handing off her lil darlin during each at-bat to various nurturing teammates, and virtually attracting DHS casemonitoring by reaching base in the second and eschewing her kid). We were in it, until we weren't. A three-run deficit turned to seven in the final frame. But the turning point was bringing that rake, and thereby eliminatingthe possibility of a mudshine postponement. And seriously folks, the Collarallos were superb in thefield, proving out the old CCSL maxim, make the easy plays and you win. Our playas - Hickey, Rubin, Donlen, Miller, Clark, John Hall, Kerry O'Connor, Yasiejko, Dugan, Galan,Tom DiNardo dh, Ellen Kenney keeping most of the pitches out of the slop. Ed, you'll get a swing tonight, so please come out smokin'. Injured reserve -- Brennan (who almost showed up too late to be injured) and Goldwyn (who was rewarded for full participation with a Miller smash off the shin in 3b coaching box). And this time, actual beer, including a craft-forged aluminum can of some kind of ale. We do it again Tuesday on one of those Dairy fields -Bob will supply the magic number (2 or 4). If the weather outside is frightful, Ford in absentia will be insightful, relaying whatever the heck sub-sub-skiptells him to. We play the Art Museum, a credible club that has drawn a 1-3 mark. And heads-up -- no game next week because of Memorial Day scheduling limitations (that's why we were scheduled to play two this week).

Whew. Thanks, Ron for that report.

SWING AND A MISS

It was deja-p.u. on Edgeley 8 as the undefeated Franklin Institute remained undefeated with an 8-3 win over the regrettably inept offensive display of our own Pen & Pencil. Veteran observers and those with excellent memories will recall that the P&P was eliminated from the playoffs last season by these same Institutionalists by a score of 8-2.

What is it with these guys, anyway?

It was a kind of freakily similar experience. For instance, freaky fans, in the semifinal elimiation last season, Franklin had just 13 hits, compared to 10 for the P&Pers. This time, FI had 15 hits, and we had 12. Now, any reasonable observer would be surprised by these numbers, since the game, like, didn't seem that close.

Nevertheless, true. Last year, we were outscored 2-1 after the third inning, which is seriously flaccid production in slow-pitch softball. This time, we were outscored 3-1 after the third inning.

I can't explain any of this, although if you score 2 or 3 runs in a game, you lose. That part, I can explain.

Anyway, good defense on our part and a decent showing in that

regard. FI had not scored fewer than 16 runs in a game before Tuesday. On the other side of the ledger, however, not so good. We left nine runners on base and couldn't get a big inning going. We didn't get more than six to the plate in any inning, which, frankly, sucks.

We did have some good hitting from some folks. George Miller was 3-for-3, and Mark Nevins, Dan Rubin, Ryan Donell and BJ Clark had two hits each. The rest of us were 1-for-17. Yow. Tom Hickey was robbed by the shortstop on the first at-bat of the game, which served as something of an omen.

As usual, Franklin caught the ball well, which is kind of unfair and didn't beat themselves. We'll see them again.

NEAR REVENGE OF THE DUNG BEETLE

When we trailed 4-1 after two innings, I have to confess to a bit of nervousness. There didn't seem to be that P&P killer spirit. Maybe it was Cinco de Mayo, I don't know. But, seriously, the Academy of Natural Sciences Dung Beetles were on a one-game winning streak and one had to wonder. Admittedly, it was the only game they had won since 2006, but still.
Fortunately, the softball world righted itself in the home half of the third inning, when the mightly Pen & Pencil sent 17 to the plate, scored 12 runs and took control of what would become an 18-9 win over the DB's.
A nitpicker would pick at the fact that we scored a total of six runs in the five other at-bats, but, as we like to say so often, whatever. Viva Tecate, Viva Escriba y Lapiz. Oy.
Hitting stars of the day included Tom Hickey (4-for-5), Brian Donlen (3-for-4) and a big bunch with two hits each. Coming off the bench to put the win away were Tom DiNardo, John Hall and George Miller. Chris Yasiejko went the distance for the win. Chris Brennan wrestled first base into absolute submission.
A big Pen & Pencil howdy to Julie Dugan, who played her first game on the roster and didn't run screaming from the entire scene. That will come later.

COME AGAIN ANOTHER DAY

Too much humidity forced postponement of Monday's game versus South Philly Tap Room. The game has tentatively been rescheduled for Tues., June 24. In another minor scheduling note, our game with Franklin Institute scheduled for Mon., May 12 has been moved to Tues., May 13. with a field change to Edgeley 8. Please make a note of the alterations on the pocket schedule which you are required, as you know, to keep in your wallet, purse, manbag, secret moneybelt, garter or hatband at all times. Get your running in and prepare for the Academy of Natural Sciences on Monday. ANS, please note, just won its first game in two years, beating our friends from the National Constitution Center 17-0 on Tuesday. As Roger Daltrey said, "Can't Explain."

PRIMARILY, A WIN

Well, we were all a little worried by the thinning of the roster ranks due to election-related duties of our Very Important Players. We knew that BJ would be able to make it, since his work didn't really begin until Tuesday night when he would answer questions from Guv like, "Dammit, are we blue or red? I can never remember?" But there were a few other notable defections and, well, we were playing the National Constitution Center, which seemed a little too coincidental. Fortunately, however, truth, justice and the Pen & Pencil softball team were still able to prevail Monday evening on scenic Edgeley 4.

Prevail might be a bit of an understatement for the 26-5 final score, which the NCC bunch took with fairly good humor, even insisting we play the seventh inning despite encroaching darkness and an 18-run deficit. It should be noted that despite the Election Eve situation, we were able to put a very representative team on the field, including the General Manager who skipped an open bar at a reception for national journalists that was -- get this -- sponsored by our very own club, of which he is, at last look, the president. "It's OK, Ron's there," he said. Oh, well, in that case.

Details, more than a few, but not too few to mention. We had Tom DiNardo stopping by between trips to Tuscany to turn in a 5-for-5 night, with four runs scored. That wasn't bad. We had John Hall, coming back from injury and car crash to go 4-for-5 with a home run, four runs scored, and the out he made was probably the best ball he hit, a smoking deep liner that would have killed the fielder if his glove hadn't gotten in the way. We had George Miller going 4-for-5 with, I think, six runs batted in (scorebook's a little fuzzy in spots). We had Tom Hickey leading a parade with three hits. Hickey had two home runs before leaving for the airport. Three hits also for winning pitcher Mike Galan, Kathy Matheson and DH Ed Cascarella.

Brian Donlen was a spectacular 2-for-2 with a pair of triples, but was tripped up by the nasty necessity of actually having to run the bases after hitting the ball. He yanked a hammie on the first trot and aggravated it on the second, requiring Clark to step into the shortstop role, which was interesting, and best left undetailed. In summation, it was 26 runs, 35-for-55 batting, pretty good fielding and a great win for the forces of good.

The forces of good are now 2-0 and heading into the meat of the schedule -- with a lovely side of creamed broccoli -- and looking forward to welcoming back all our process-mad public servants, who probably missed us, too.

EXTRA SATISFYING

Seven innings just weren't enough to contain all the fun at the season opener for the Pen & Pencil. No, it took an extra frame -- inning to those of you not "hip" to the lingo -- to clean the cages of the Philadelphia Zoo, 11-10.

Hero of the day was catcher Ellen Kenney with three hits in four trips to the plate, but none bigger than the eighth-inning infield single that scored Kathy Matheson with the winning run in the deep gloaming of the Belmont Plateau. Matheson, two-for-four with a pair of runs scored on the day, led off the final rally with a base hit of her own.

It was an improbable comeback effort for the P&P, which trailed 10-4 with one on and two out in the bottom of the sixth. The team had been distracted to this point by the strafing gunfire emanating from a dogfight between a Fokker aircraft and a small helicopter in shallow right field.

Down to its final four outs, the Red Menace got six straight hits in the sixth to narrow the score to 10-9, then tied the game in the bottom of the seventh when Brian "I Am Running" Donlen tripled with one out and scored -- at least in our opinion -- on a sacrifice fly by B.J. Clark. Donlen barely beat the throw and, this being the Center City Softball League, was allowed to call himself safe.

The Zoo went up and down again in the top of the eighth behind the stellar relief pitching of Chris Yasiejko, who recorded the first win of the season, retiring the last seven batters he faced and allowing just four runs in five innings pitched. If it weren't for some of our typical goofy stuff in the field, they wouldn't have scored that many.

From the scorebook, kept perfectly by Knees Emeritus Ron Goldwyn, it says that Donlen, Kenney, Mike Galan and Bob Ford had three hits each, George Miller, Tom Hickey, Chris Brennan (2-for-2!) and Matheson had two hits each.

A hearty Pen & Pencil welcome to newcomers Hickey and Ryan Donnell. It would be a slightly heartier welcome if Hickey had not told management that he could play anywhere, later to inform management after a switch to the outfield that he couldn't "see the ball until it gets there," having forgotten, apparently, that he now wears glasses. Donnell won the Patty-Pat Koslowski Award for quickest injury of the season, yanking a hamstring following a sharp single in his first plate appearance. Two more exceptional additions to the roster by the general manager, who continues to recruit only in the club after 1 a.m.

Get your running in. Nevins won't be back next week, either, something about a "bitter" election, so we've got a shot at a winning streak.

DAWN OF A NEW DAY

Yes, it's that time. The scorebook, and the loss column, is virginal. There is the possibility of great things. Fourteen games are on schedule and I don't see what can go wrong this time. (Oh, I suppose Marcus could move back from Richmond and bring Nolan with him, but let's accentuate the positive, shall we?)
Whatever happens between the lines, we will still have a lot of laughs, drink a bunch of beer and lead the league in both those categories, as always. It is another spring and we are still playing softball. There are times to come when we will wish for this moment. So enjoy it while it's here.
See you Monday.

NEW GAL IN TOWN

Many of you have expressed concern that, having lost Shelly B. Hayes and Lindsey B. Wanyo within the span of a year, the Pen & Pencil team was going to be a little light in its distaff loafers this season. We retain the services of Ellen Kenney and Kathy "Big Pink Machine" Matheson, but what if one of them can't make it? What if there is injury? Pestilence? Flood?

Last year, a number of talented young ladies took part before the campaign was finished. We have reached out to some of them, to Patty-Pat Koslowski and Carolyn Davis and Christine Ollie and, of course, to Kelly Sapp. The response has not been overwhelming.

But, lo, in our hour of darkness, in our time of need, we have been blessed to sign free-agent Rona Goldloss, new to the area, apparently, and new to the gender as well. Who knew that hip replacement entailed a knife this sharp?

The bio that comes with the player indicates that Rona can pitch and play several infield positions. She knows her way around the batting cage and can keep a mean score as well.

From the standpoint of The Management, Rona is an answer to our prayers. I can't wait to write her name in black Flair on the official lineup sheet and hang her on the fence with my handy S-hook.

I know that all of you join me in welcoming Rona to the team, even though she apparently changes teams quite often. As long as she keeps her pants on this time, everything will be fine.

WHAT HAPPENS IN VEGAS MIGHT END UP ON A BLOG VIEWED BY ANY OF SIX BILLION PEOPLE ON EARTH

All right, I was just going to write some funny, meaningless crap (my specialty) about the Pen & Pencil softball team training seriously for upcoming season. And most of you know exactly how seriously we train. But then, after getting the photo of BJ having a quaff in front of some nude Roman dude -- left-handed quaff! -- I am sent by unknown sources the picture of general manager Chris Brennan having a similar libation with a similar lack of cares in the world.

Now, I have to tell you. BJ is one thing. No one expects much more from Mr.I'm-Dating-A-16-Year-Old. Honestly, if he just stays out of jail, brushes all the crumbs off the Guv's tits and gets one stinking hit this season, we're fine with BJ. He's good company and makes the rest of us look like successes.

But Brennan? Oh, no. This won't stand. The last time I spoke to him, our general manager said he was doing the heavy lifting in regards to getting the roster in order. He did not mention that the heavy lifting involved a 24-ounce can of Foster's. (By the way, I have been to Australia, and Foster's is not Australian for beer. It is Australian for piss. Foster's is like Blatz in Australia. They fucking laugh at you if you drink it. Good marketing department, though.)

Anyway, the brand of beer is not the issue. The dedication to improving the team for the coming season is the issue. I ask you, is this man thinking about the batting order? No, he is not. He is thinking about something else, and this just won't do. I would invite all team members with similar concerns to call the general manager and, if he is conscious, ask what he has done lately to make ours a better softball team. You might not like the answer.

Hope the rest of you are in better training. The management just returned from a hard weekend of training in Tampa and -- special event alert for all team members! -- will be speaking to leftfielder George Miller's journalism class at Temple on Wednesday. Space is limited, of course, but George says that all roster members will be accomodated on a first-come, first-served basis. The subject of the lecture will be, "The Internet: Journalist Boon or Misbegotten Moon." Don't miss it.

PRACTICE MAKES PUDDING

The 2008 Pen & Pencil softball season, or at least the high-level preparation phase of it, began Saturday on windswept Belmont Plateau with 12 practicing participants.

General manager Chris Brennan noted that this turnout represented a team record for the first practice of the season, breaking the old mark by 11.

The regular season begins in a month, mid-April, and there is still plenty of time to work out the kinks from the long offseason. It is getting kind of late to work off those Doritos, but better late than never. Brennan is finalizing his roster decisions, offering free-agent contracts, talking trades, working the phones, looking ahead to the college draft and so forth. Thus far, his recruiting has all been done after midnight at the club, and the results have not been as promising as hoped, But, once again, plenty of time.

On hand for the opening practice were: Mike Galan, Ellen Kenney, Kathy Matheson, Brennan, The Management, Brian Donlen, B.J. "I'm Dating a 23-year-old" Clark, Tom from the Club, Kerry O'Connor, Kerry's friend Greg, Dan Rubin and Tom DiNardo. Due to a stiff breeze blowing in from centerfield -- at least this is the handiest excuse -- hitting was a little difficult. Fielding was difficult, too, as was baserunning. Man, that was some wind.

Anyway, there will be more practices before the season. Those unable to make it Saturday will have plenty of opportunity to get their swings in. This included Nevins, who was at a wedding Saturday, probably doing the chicken dance flat on his back by the time we met for practice. Maybe even the hokey-pokey.