COME AGAIN ANOTHER DAY

Too much humidity forced postponement of Monday's game versus South Philly Tap Room. The game has tentatively been rescheduled for Tues., June 24. In another minor scheduling note, our game with Franklin Institute scheduled for Mon., May 12 has been moved to Tues., May 13. with a field change to Edgeley 8. Please make a note of the alterations on the pocket schedule which you are required, as you know, to keep in your wallet, purse, manbag, secret moneybelt, garter or hatband at all times. Get your running in and prepare for the Academy of Natural Sciences on Monday. ANS, please note, just won its first game in two years, beating our friends from the National Constitution Center 17-0 on Tuesday. As Roger Daltrey said, "Can't Explain."

PRIMARILY, A WIN

Well, we were all a little worried by the thinning of the roster ranks due to election-related duties of our Very Important Players. We knew that BJ would be able to make it, since his work didn't really begin until Tuesday night when he would answer questions from Guv like, "Dammit, are we blue or red? I can never remember?" But there were a few other notable defections and, well, we were playing the National Constitution Center, which seemed a little too coincidental. Fortunately, however, truth, justice and the Pen & Pencil softball team were still able to prevail Monday evening on scenic Edgeley 4.

Prevail might be a bit of an understatement for the 26-5 final score, which the NCC bunch took with fairly good humor, even insisting we play the seventh inning despite encroaching darkness and an 18-run deficit. It should be noted that despite the Election Eve situation, we were able to put a very representative team on the field, including the General Manager who skipped an open bar at a reception for national journalists that was -- get this -- sponsored by our very own club, of which he is, at last look, the president. "It's OK, Ron's there," he said. Oh, well, in that case.

Details, more than a few, but not too few to mention. We had Tom DiNardo stopping by between trips to Tuscany to turn in a 5-for-5 night, with four runs scored. That wasn't bad. We had John Hall, coming back from injury and car crash to go 4-for-5 with a home run, four runs scored, and the out he made was probably the best ball he hit, a smoking deep liner that would have killed the fielder if his glove hadn't gotten in the way. We had George Miller going 4-for-5 with, I think, six runs batted in (scorebook's a little fuzzy in spots). We had Tom Hickey leading a parade with three hits. Hickey had two home runs before leaving for the airport. Three hits also for winning pitcher Mike Galan, Kathy Matheson and DH Ed Cascarella.

Brian Donlen was a spectacular 2-for-2 with a pair of triples, but was tripped up by the nasty necessity of actually having to run the bases after hitting the ball. He yanked a hammie on the first trot and aggravated it on the second, requiring Clark to step into the shortstop role, which was interesting, and best left undetailed. In summation, it was 26 runs, 35-for-55 batting, pretty good fielding and a great win for the forces of good.

The forces of good are now 2-0 and heading into the meat of the schedule -- with a lovely side of creamed broccoli -- and looking forward to welcoming back all our process-mad public servants, who probably missed us, too.

EXTRA SATISFYING

Seven innings just weren't enough to contain all the fun at the season opener for the Pen & Pencil. No, it took an extra frame -- inning to those of you not "hip" to the lingo -- to clean the cages of the Philadelphia Zoo, 11-10.

Hero of the day was catcher Ellen Kenney with three hits in four trips to the plate, but none bigger than the eighth-inning infield single that scored Kathy Matheson with the winning run in the deep gloaming of the Belmont Plateau. Matheson, two-for-four with a pair of runs scored on the day, led off the final rally with a base hit of her own.

It was an improbable comeback effort for the P&P, which trailed 10-4 with one on and two out in the bottom of the sixth. The team had been distracted to this point by the strafing gunfire emanating from a dogfight between a Fokker aircraft and a small helicopter in shallow right field.

Down to its final four outs, the Red Menace got six straight hits in the sixth to narrow the score to 10-9, then tied the game in the bottom of the seventh when Brian "I Am Running" Donlen tripled with one out and scored -- at least in our opinion -- on a sacrifice fly by B.J. Clark. Donlen barely beat the throw and, this being the Center City Softball League, was allowed to call himself safe.

The Zoo went up and down again in the top of the eighth behind the stellar relief pitching of Chris Yasiejko, who recorded the first win of the season, retiring the last seven batters he faced and allowing just four runs in five innings pitched. If it weren't for some of our typical goofy stuff in the field, they wouldn't have scored that many.

From the scorebook, kept perfectly by Knees Emeritus Ron Goldwyn, it says that Donlen, Kenney, Mike Galan and Bob Ford had three hits each, George Miller, Tom Hickey, Chris Brennan (2-for-2!) and Matheson had two hits each.

A hearty Pen & Pencil welcome to newcomers Hickey and Ryan Donnell. It would be a slightly heartier welcome if Hickey had not told management that he could play anywhere, later to inform management after a switch to the outfield that he couldn't "see the ball until it gets there," having forgotten, apparently, that he now wears glasses. Donnell won the Patty-Pat Koslowski Award for quickest injury of the season, yanking a hamstring following a sharp single in his first plate appearance. Two more exceptional additions to the roster by the general manager, who continues to recruit only in the club after 1 a.m.

Get your running in. Nevins won't be back next week, either, something about a "bitter" election, so we've got a shot at a winning streak.

DAWN OF A NEW DAY

Yes, it's that time. The scorebook, and the loss column, is virginal. There is the possibility of great things. Fourteen games are on schedule and I don't see what can go wrong this time. (Oh, I suppose Marcus could move back from Richmond and bring Nolan with him, but let's accentuate the positive, shall we?)
Whatever happens between the lines, we will still have a lot of laughs, drink a bunch of beer and lead the league in both those categories, as always. It is another spring and we are still playing softball. There are times to come when we will wish for this moment. So enjoy it while it's here.
See you Monday.

NEW GAL IN TOWN

Many of you have expressed concern that, having lost Shelly B. Hayes and Lindsey B. Wanyo within the span of a year, the Pen & Pencil team was going to be a little light in its distaff loafers this season. We retain the services of Ellen Kenney and Kathy "Big Pink Machine" Matheson, but what if one of them can't make it? What if there is injury? Pestilence? Flood?

Last year, a number of talented young ladies took part before the campaign was finished. We have reached out to some of them, to Patty-Pat Koslowski and Carolyn Davis and Christine Ollie and, of course, to Kelly Sapp. The response has not been overwhelming.

But, lo, in our hour of darkness, in our time of need, we have been blessed to sign free-agent Rona Goldloss, new to the area, apparently, and new to the gender as well. Who knew that hip replacement entailed a knife this sharp?

The bio that comes with the player indicates that Rona can pitch and play several infield positions. She knows her way around the batting cage and can keep a mean score as well.

From the standpoint of The Management, Rona is an answer to our prayers. I can't wait to write her name in black Flair on the official lineup sheet and hang her on the fence with my handy S-hook.

I know that all of you join me in welcoming Rona to the team, even though she apparently changes teams quite often. As long as she keeps her pants on this time, everything will be fine.

WHAT HAPPENS IN VEGAS MIGHT END UP ON A BLOG VIEWED BY ANY OF SIX BILLION PEOPLE ON EARTH

All right, I was just going to write some funny, meaningless crap (my specialty) about the Pen & Pencil softball team training seriously for upcoming season. And most of you know exactly how seriously we train. But then, after getting the photo of BJ having a quaff in front of some nude Roman dude -- left-handed quaff! -- I am sent by unknown sources the picture of general manager Chris Brennan having a similar libation with a similar lack of cares in the world.

Now, I have to tell you. BJ is one thing. No one expects much more from Mr.I'm-Dating-A-16-Year-Old. Honestly, if he just stays out of jail, brushes all the crumbs off the Guv's tits and gets one stinking hit this season, we're fine with BJ. He's good company and makes the rest of us look like successes.

But Brennan? Oh, no. This won't stand. The last time I spoke to him, our general manager said he was doing the heavy lifting in regards to getting the roster in order. He did not mention that the heavy lifting involved a 24-ounce can of Foster's. (By the way, I have been to Australia, and Foster's is not Australian for beer. It is Australian for piss. Foster's is like Blatz in Australia. They fucking laugh at you if you drink it. Good marketing department, though.)

Anyway, the brand of beer is not the issue. The dedication to improving the team for the coming season is the issue. I ask you, is this man thinking about the batting order? No, he is not. He is thinking about something else, and this just won't do. I would invite all team members with similar concerns to call the general manager and, if he is conscious, ask what he has done lately to make ours a better softball team. You might not like the answer.

Hope the rest of you are in better training. The management just returned from a hard weekend of training in Tampa and -- special event alert for all team members! -- will be speaking to leftfielder George Miller's journalism class at Temple on Wednesday. Space is limited, of course, but George says that all roster members will be accomodated on a first-come, first-served basis. The subject of the lecture will be, "The Internet: Journalist Boon or Misbegotten Moon." Don't miss it.

PRACTICE MAKES PUDDING

The 2008 Pen & Pencil softball season, or at least the high-level preparation phase of it, began Saturday on windswept Belmont Plateau with 12 practicing participants.

General manager Chris Brennan noted that this turnout represented a team record for the first practice of the season, breaking the old mark by 11.

The regular season begins in a month, mid-April, and there is still plenty of time to work out the kinks from the long offseason. It is getting kind of late to work off those Doritos, but better late than never. Brennan is finalizing his roster decisions, offering free-agent contracts, talking trades, working the phones, looking ahead to the college draft and so forth. Thus far, his recruiting has all been done after midnight at the club, and the results have not been as promising as hoped, But, once again, plenty of time.

On hand for the opening practice were: Mike Galan, Ellen Kenney, Kathy Matheson, Brennan, The Management, Brian Donlen, B.J. "I'm Dating a 23-year-old" Clark, Tom from the Club, Kerry O'Connor, Kerry's friend Greg, Dan Rubin and Tom DiNardo. Due to a stiff breeze blowing in from centerfield -- at least this is the handiest excuse -- hitting was a little difficult. Fielding was difficult, too, as was baserunning. Man, that was some wind.

Anyway, there will be more practices before the season. Those unable to make it Saturday will have plenty of opportunity to get their swings in. This included Nevins, who was at a wedding Saturday, probably doing the chicken dance flat on his back by the time we met for practice. Maybe even the hokey-pokey.